Breaking Economic News: Santa Asks for Federal Bailout

Our Special Economics Correspondent, Gerard Magliocca, has just filed this exclusive for Enduring America:

Washington, DC, November 27, 2008: Santa Claus was greeted with deep skepticism on Capitol Hill this afternoon as he told members of Congress that he could not fund operations for the remainder of the year without federal assistance.

"Global warming created a real estate bubble in the North Pole that has burst," Santa explained. "Now my elves are under water and under water on their houses too." Aggressive cost-cutting steps, such as selling reindeer and reducing mall appearances, have failed to stem the tide of red ink.

In an emotional plea for support, Santa told lawmakers that his bankruptcy would lead to a devastating loss of jobs in the tree, stocking, and toy industries. In addition, "millions of crying children would deal a devastating blow to the nation's morale at a time when we need some cheer."

Senator Christopher Dodd, chair of the Senate Finance Committee, demanded more information on the Claus method for handing out gifts. "You say that you keep track of who is naughty and nice," Dodd asked, "but I think this committee has a right to know how you get that information and make those determinations."

Senator Richard Shelby, the ranking Republican on the committee, was critical of Santa's business plan and wondered, "How will taxpayers benefit from funding an operation that gives gifts away for free?" When Santa responded that he got "millions of cookies every year" that could act as collateral, the Senator did not seem impressed.

Other members were just as hostile. One asked why Santa had relocated all of his operations outside of the United States. "In exchange for any bailout," this Senator said, "I think you should pledge to hire American elves." Another complained that all she got when she was a kid was a lump of coal, and that it took guts for Santa to come begging for help now.

Similar sentiments greeted Santa in the House. When told that he had flown to the hearings in a private sleigh, Congressman Brad Sherman of California was livid. "Couldn't you have taken a dog sled? My constituents are having a hard time understanding that." Another called for a federal investigation of Santa's repeated break-ins at American homes over the years, which she described as "an outrageous invasion of our privacy."

The atmosphere of the hearings was best summed up by Congressman Barney Frank, who informed Santa that he'd need to develop a better plan and return to Congress in a week. "What the American people see here is a fat and bloated operation that needs to be trimmed," Frank said, "and I'm not just talking about you."

Journalism 101: Today's Awards for Incisive Comment

HONOURABLE MENTION: THE ALL IS WELL IN IRAQ COMMENT

Marine Captain Giles Clarke writes in The New York Times of running a half-marathon in Baghdad:

As I sprinted across the finish line, though, I knew it was all for a greater good. I knew that I was contributing to something much bigger than myself. How did I know this? I just ran a half-marathon in Baghdad.

Totally Irrelevant Fact (1):

Three bombings targeting Iraqi government employees and the U.S.-fortified Green Zone killed at least 20 people and left scores wounded Monday.

Totally Irrelevant Fact (2):

Number of US military personnel who ran the half-marathon: More than 200
Number of Iraqis who ran the half-marathon: 0

BRONZE MEDAL: I LOVE YOU, YES, I DO COMMENT

David Ignatius gets misty-eyed over Condoleezza Rice in The Washington Post:

Condoleezza Rice may be the most disciplined person in this town of workaholics. She has always been the perfect young woman, pleasing and impressing others.

Dave's Afterthought:

Now the issue of U.S.-Iranian relations will be handed over to the Obama administration. "We ran out of time," says one administration official.

The Question Dave Did Not Ask Condi:

Why?

SILVER MEDAL: THE BETTER LATE THAN NEVER COMMENT

The Washington Post celebrates Presidential justice:

THE BUSH administration acted fairly and responsibly this week in deciding to release Osama bin Laden's former driver from the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and return him to his home country of Yemen.

Suggestion made by The Post:

The White House has another opportunity to do the right thing, this time in the case of 17 Chinese Uighurs held at Guantanamo.

Suggestion not made by The Post:

Anything to do with the other 235 detainees at Camp X-Ray

GOLD MEDAL: THE TRIBUTE TO CONSERVAPEDIA COMMENT

In The Washington Post, George Will joins Conservapedia's vigilant defence against Dangerous Professors, reviewing Stanley Fish's book, Save the World on Your Own Time:

Fish's advocacy of a banal proscription -- of explicit political preaching in classrooms -- may have made him anathema to academia's infantile left. The shrewder left will, however, welcome his book because it denies or defends other politicizations of academia that are less blatant but more prevalent and consequential -- those concerning hiring and curricula.

For those who can't quite make it through that paragraph, here is Conservapedia's translation:

Professor values are currently one of the most prevalent forms of Liberal indoctrination.

On Thanksgiving Day...

To friends and family in the United States and other celebrating the holiday, we send our very best wishes.

Mumbai Latest (7:30 p.m. local time; 2 p.m. British time)

Twenty-one hours after the first attacks and stand-offs continue at the Taj and Oberoi Hotels. The Times of India reports all hostages released at the Taj, and CNN International is reporting 10 hostages released at the Oberoi. Five attackers and 14 policemen are reported dead, and The Times of India says more bodies are in the Taj Hotel.

As the stand-off moves to resolution, attention will turn to responsibility for the attacks. Right now, the media is spinning with frustration that they have nothing beyond the claim of the shadowy "Deccan Mujihadeen". While some journalists are speculating --- I think with little evidence --- about an Al Qa'eda assault, I suspect that Canuckistan's comment on a Pakistan connection may be far more important. In the context of the downward spiral in Pakistan, a renewal of Indo-Pakistani conflict, either between Government forces or between India and Pakistan-based insurgent groups, is cause for concern.

The P Word

The conflict is still continuing in Mumbai. Once events are settled, questions will quickly be asked about who supported these attacks. Already the Indian prime minister has talked about "external" forces. Based on previous events, attention will be played to any official or unofficial Pakistani involvement in these attacks. If these links exist, it will have rather significant implications for Indian-Pakistani relations and, of course, for the United States and the wider "war on terror."