Iran Breaking: The Space Monkey Could Be A Nuclear Warhead

Space Monkey or Nuclear Warhead?

Earlier today we posted a note that Iran has launched its first satellite carrying a live monkey. We did not post it as a separate feature because, frankly, we had been hearing stories of a Space Monkey Flight from Tehran for almost two years. So while we were relieved that it finally happened --- and, more importantly, hoping that the Space Monkey made it back to earth --- we were ready to move on.

The Islamic Republic, of course, was not content with this. State media played up the event as an example of Iran's scientific and technical ascendancy, leading one day to Space Man Flight.

Still, we were not overwhelmed. Press TV, for example, could not even be bothered to give Space Monkey full credit: "Iran Puts Living Creature Into Space".

What could possibly stir our excitement? What could turn mild interest into Very Important Headline News?

Step up, Reuters:

Iran said on Monday it had launched a live monkey into space, seeking to show off missile systems that have alarmed the West because the technology could potentially be used to deliver a nuclear warhead.

Good Lord, the Space Monkey is Armed.

Still not convinced? Here's paragraph 2:

The Defense Ministry announced the launch as world powers sought to agree a date and venue with Iran for resuming talks to resolve a standoff with the West over Tehran's contested nuclear program before it degenerates into a new Middle East war.

A "new Middle East war" in which Space Monkeys could be used for the first time as thermo-nuclear devices. 

What, still being quite liberal and all "But that monkey is so cute"?

Iran earlier in the day denied media reports of a major explosion at one of its most sensitive, underground enrichment plants, describing them as Western propaganda designed to influence the nuclear talks.

That's right --- not just Space Monkey and doomed talks leading to New Middle East War, but a Conspiracy Theory of a Big Explosion.

And that is how to get a separate feature on EA.