Lara Friedman updates this week's speech by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to the US Congress, offering some notes so the general reader can make sense of it:
Vice President Biden, Speaker Boehner, distinguished senators, members of the House, honored guests, I'm deeply moved by this warm welcome, and I'm deeply honored that you've given me the opportunity to address Congress a second time. Mr. Vice President, do you remember the time that we were the new kids in town? (Laughter, applause.) And I do see a lot of old friends here, and I see a lot of new friends of Israel here as well --- Democrats and Republicans alike. (Applause.)
See also Israel Video & Transcript: Prime Minister Netanyahu's Speech to US Congress
Israel has no better friend than America, and America has no better friend than Israel [and don't you let Obama forget it]. (Applause.) We stand together to defend democracy [except when, like with Egypt, we have mixed feelings about it]. We stand together to advance peace [except when your president asks me to do things I don't want to do]. We stand together to fight terrorism [and anyone who suggests that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict in any way provides a rallying cry for extremism, well, they are anti-Semites trying to delegitimize of Israel].
Congratulations, America. Congratulations, Mr. President: You got bin Laden. Good riddance! (Cheers, applause.) [Now don't give us a hard time the next time we assassinate one of "our" bad guys!]
In an unstable Middle East, Israel is the one anchor of stability. In a region of shifting alliances, Israel is America's unwavering ally [just don't ask me to do things I don't want to do. Ever. I mean it]. Israel has always been pro-American. Israel will always be pro-American. (Applause.) [This should be understood to mean: I love the American people and I love some American presidents - you know which ones I mean].
My friends, you don't have to -- you don't need to do nation- building in Israel. We're already built. (Laughter, applause.) You don't need to export democracy to Israel. We've already got it [pay no attention to the near constant attacks on this democracy in the Knesset, with anti-democratic bills coming one after another, most supported by my government - the people complaining about this are just anti-Semites who want to delegitimize Israel]. (Applause.)
And you don't need to send American troops to Israel. We defend ourselves. (Cheers, applause.) You've been very generous in giving us tools to do the job of defending Israel on our own. Thank you all, and thank you, President Obama, for your steadfast commitment to Israel's security. I know economic times are tough. I deeply appreciate this [But not enough to actually accede to your president's requests on peace process stuff - and not enough to resist sticking it to him with more settlements every time we meet.]. (Applause.)
Some of you have been telling me that your belief has been reaffirmed in recent months that support for Israel's security is a wise investment in our common future, for an epic battle is now under way in the Middle East between tyranny and freedom. A great convulsion is shaking the earth from the Khyber Pass to the Straits of Gibraltar. The tremors have shattered states. They've toppled governments. And we can all see that the ground is still shifting.
Now, this historic moment holds the promise of a new dawn of freedom and opportunity. There are millions of young people out there who are determined to change their future. We all look at them. They muster courage. They risk their lives. They demand dignity. They desire liberty. These extraordinary scenes in Tunis, in Cairo, evoke those of Berlin and Prague in 1989. Yet, as we share their hopes -- [protestor interruption]. You know, I take it as a badge of honor, and so should you, that in our free societies you can now protest. You can't have these protests in the farcical parliaments in Tehran or in Tripoli. This is real democracy. (Cheers, applause.)
So as we share the hopes of these young people throughout the Middle East and Iran [except to the extent that we are a little uncomfortable with change], that they'll be able to do what that young woman just did -- I think she's young; I couldn't see quite that far -- (laughter) -- we must also remember that those hopes could be snuffed out, as they were in Tehran in 1979. You remember what happened then.
The brief democratic spring in Tehran was cut short by a ferocious and unforgiving tyranny. And it's this same tyranny that smothered Lebanon's democratic Cedar Revolution and inflicted on that long- suffering country the medieval rule of Hezbollah. So today the Middle East stands at a fateful crossroads. And like all of you, I pray that the peoples of the region choose the path less traveled, the path of liberty. (Applause.) No one knows what this path consists of better than you. Nobody.
This path of liberty is not paved by elections alone. It's paved when governments permit protests in town squares [except in places like Sheikh Jarrah, Bi'ilin, Nilin, and Nabi Saleh, where I don't let people protest freely. Those people are just troublemakers], when limits are placed on the powers of rulers [except when you are talking about the West Bank, where the Civil Administration is the law and the head of the Civil Administration is basically king - but that is a special case],when judges are beholden to laws and not men [except in Israeli military courts, where Palestinians from the West Bank are tried and have virtually none of the rights or protections (not even children) afforded in civilian Israeli courts], and when human rights cannot be crushed by tribal loyalties or mob rule [except as pertains to anyone in the West Bank, East Jerusalem or Gaza, where "human rights" are nothing more than a slogan used by anti-Semites and self-hating Jews to delegitimize Israel - unless I am raising the issue to condemn human rights abuses committed by Palestinians].
Israel has always embraced this path in a Middle East that has long rejected it. In a region where women are stoned, gays are hanged, Christians are persecuted, Israel stands out [and please pay no attention to people who say that Israel also stands out as a democracy which systematically violates of its own democratic values in specific, mainly Palestinian-related circumstances]. It is different. And this was seen -- (applause) -- thank you.
There was a great English writer in the 19th century, George Eliot. It's a she; that was a pseudonym in those days. George Eliot predicted over a century ago that, once established, the Jewish state -- here's what she said: "The Jewish state will shine like a bright star of freedom amid the despotisms of the East." Well, she was right.
We have a free press [except when we impose military censorship or gag orders, which is surprisingly often, but nobody would know about it if those damn foreign journalists didn't keep digging around], independent courts [except when a matter is determined to be "political" - like settlements - and then our courts decide that they can't rule], an open economy [unless you are a Palestinian in the West Bank or Gaza, but those are special circumstances], rambunctious parliamentary debates [in a parliament seemingly determined to dismantle Israeli democracy one bill at a time] -- (laughter) -- now, don't laugh -- (laughter) -- ah, you see? You think you're tough on another -- on one another here in Congress? Come spend a day in the Knesset. Be my guest! (Laughter, applause.)
Courageous Arab protesters are now struggling to secure these very same rights for their peoples, for their societies. We're proud in Israel that over 1 million Arab citizens of Israel have been enjoying these rights for decades [pay no attention to those pesky civil society organizations complaining about how our Arabs are second class citizens - they are still better off than if they were in Saudi Arabia]. (Applause.) Of the 300 million Arabs in the Middle East and North Africa, only Israel's Arab citizens enjoy real democratic rights [please don't mention the 4 million Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza who don't enjoy such rights - trust me, it's complicated]. (Applause.)
Now, I want you to stop for a second and think about that. Of those 300 million Arabs, less than one-half of 1 percent are truly free, and they're all citizens of Israel. (Applause.) This startling fact reveals a basic truth: Israel is not what is wrong about the Middle East; Israel is what's right about the Middle East. (Applause.) [Pay no regard, please, to the huge pink elephant - the occupation and the second-class treatment of our Arab citizens - lurking in the corner].
Israel fully supports the desire of Arab peoples in our region to live freely. We long for the day when Israel will be one of many real democracies in the -- in the Middle East [as long as they elect people we like].
